I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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