all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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