I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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