im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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