If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
