At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
