I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
