Already got asked if we're dating
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
