enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ttyl tear gas
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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