Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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