I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
