i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
