and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
