Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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