If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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