They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
