ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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