Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
