But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
