i don't like sucking hair
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
