i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
