Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
