Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I want is dick and wine.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
