Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
