we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
