I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
