who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
