The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
