okay pat passed out under dana's car
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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