ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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