Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
