What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
