I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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