This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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