Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
