I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
