I cockslap morals
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
