I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
