I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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