So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
