college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
