we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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