She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
