Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
