i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
