I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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