So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
