I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
