Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
