Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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