My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
