It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
